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They told you that you were doing it wrong, that you are bad for wanting to find someone, and that you should go read a book. A “Unicorn” is that rare, mythical figure that many couples look for, a polyamorous, bisexual woman (Yay! ), someone who might want to date both you and your partner. That means that “Unicorn Hunters” are a couple who are looking for that person to join their Dyad, to make a Triad. If you have a conversation with a new-to-Poly couple about what they are looking for and start asking some probing questions, many answers come out that are pretty consistent. You are willing to listen/read/learn and figure this out to get it right. There are some challenges between where you are now and where you want to go (likely, I’m making assumptions too!

A Triad is a Poly relationship where three people are all in relationship with each other, as opposed to a “V”, where two of the people aren’t connected with each other directly. People who are in this position have very predictable challenges and concerns. ), but anything in life that is worth a damn has challenges before it.

This can be said for all of the items that we’re going to discuss (which is why I chose this one first), so we’re going to return to this point frequently.

Another problem has to do with confusion around issues of entitlement.

It is critical to have a conversation with prospective partners, before there is a relationship, where you discuss how “out” you are wiling to be.

This is a request for another person to limit their own behavior (in sometimes unexpected and dramatic ways) that is a much bigger deal than most new-to-Poly people can even grasp. P hates these things anyway, I’ll bring U and we’ll make up a cover story that we can use if anyone asks.” This is not going to work well. Aside from the fact that you can’t make U leave (tenancy rights), you are basically kicking U out of her own home for a week. Put on some sort of Kabuki-style production as described above in the work-related holiday party. You need to either be completely out (challenging under the best of circumstances), willing to risk dramatic disclosures in meaningful situations, or U will be excluded. For starters, some people are actually okay with this.However, as you might guess, I’m going to point out that there are some problems.One of the first problems is when you don’t talk about your preexisting expectations up front.This is one of the most sought-after arrangements when a couple new to polyamory looks to open their relationship.Couples usually discover such a woman is almost impossible to find. So, you just posted on this really cool Poly forum that your friend told you about.

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